50 DAYS OF WISDOM - DAY 38 "WHY YOU SHOULD LISTEN BEFORE GIVING FEEDBACK" - PROVERBS 18:13

SALT WATER

A Farm by my house I got to take Aubrey to

CLEAN WATER

We installed a water system on top of Adam and Julies home in San Clemente 2 years ago and have been collecting data and verifying water production. This 2 year assessment has been a success and I have applied for a $50,000-$150,000 grant (pray we get it!!!) to fund our water project in Palmarcito with Sompopo and Yesselyn at our church there.

LIVING WATER

I will begin teaching through the book of 1 Samuel this Fall - It will be “Lessons in Leadership”

Dr. Ryan here, 243rd episode to help us learn more about God's Word. I'm glad that you can join me today. Today I want to talk to you about something that's actually really annoying. I know you've had this happen to you. It's people who should have listened before giving you feedback. This is one of the most annoying things to happen to you in your life when people don't listen to you.

Proverbs talks about this in chapter 18 verse 13. It says, He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him. So what does this look like? You've experienced this when you shared your feelings, your thoughts on something. They were completely misinterpreted by the person that you shared it with. Not only did it get misunderstood, it then got misapplied and it led to a lot of frustration.

So how does this happen?

Well, first of all, we give quick answers to questions. You shouldn't give quick answers to questions. You're supposed to give thoughtful answers to questions, which ironically means we need to listen to the words that are being spoken and the intent behind the words, the feelings behind the words as well.

Secondly, we give impulsive answers to problems. So a lot of times people will give you a quick answer to a problem. So not only did they not understand what you were saying, they didn't understand your problem. And then based on them not listening, not understanding your problem, they then gave you an inaccurate diagnosis and an inaccurate roadmap for how to improve your situation. This is very frustrating.

And then the third thing, responding without thinking. Have you ever had a conversation with someone where they were looking at you and you were looking at them and you knew they weren't listening to you? This is then followed up with responding without thinking. People that aren't listening to you and then they're unable to give you any kind of empathy that you need and any kind of good feedback.

And then lastly, we then speak without understanding. So it's then compounded by speaking without understanding. Now all of this can be avoided. Let's look at this again. He who answers the matter before he hears it, it is a folly and shame to him. So how does this look like in the proactive positive light? Means you listen to someone until they're completely done talking. You give reflective feedback. What I hear you saying is you repeat back what was said to them. They then affirm that you understood what they were saying. And then based off of that, you can do one of two things. If it's a simple piece of feedback, you can give it on the spot. If it's a complex piece of feedback, then you want to say, you know what Thank you for sharing with me what you're thinking. Thank you for sharing with me what you're feeling. I want to go pray about it. I want to go think about it and I'll circle back with you and I'll then give you my thoughts based on some time to think about it and some time to pray about it. Now what I have found is that when you take time to pray and you take time to think, you give much godlier feedback. And I don't know about you, but I need godly wise feedback.

So would you do me a favor today? Would you commit to giving godly wise feedback based on understanding and prayer to the people in our lives that are in us and around us? It will make a huge difference in their life. Thank you so much for joining me today. Until next time, I hope you have a beautiful day.